Not Yet
by W0lv35-0f-L16h7
Summary: They leaned in close, the distance being closed between the two of them. Kota pulled away. "No." Shiro blinked. "No?" "No, no, I can't...Not yet." Cross posted on Ao3


**A/N: Okay, just a little bit of backstory...**

 **1\. Kota (Keith) is exactly the same in canon except that she's feamle, and a single mother.**

 **2\. Kota's baby is about a year old and was taken abord with the rest of the Paladins when they found the Blue Lion. His name is Zayden, because i think it's cool.**

 **3\. Just go with it, it'll explain itself as it goes along.**

* * *

Kota had been having a hard time getting Zayden to bed recently anyway, and tonight was no exception.

In fact, it was worse.

She had tried everything. Literally, _everything._ She's changed him, fed him (Well, tried) and burped him, rocked him, bounced him, checked him for any bruises or injuries he may have acquired, walked him around—not around the castle, she wouldn't be that cruel—she tried leaving him to sleep, but after ten minutes, he wouldn't stop, still, so she continued trying. She even tried to _sing_ to him, damn it!

Right now, she was trying kangaroo care. Skin to skin contact. She had a blanket over the both of them, but her shirt was off, leaving her in her black sports bra. Zayden only had a diaper. She was sitting in a rocking chair, gently humming.

He still would not. Stop. Crying.

Kota sighed.

Eventually, the door had opened. Shiro walked in, only wearing a white, skin-tight tank top.

Kota looked up, but didn't respond to him. Shiro didn't say anything either, simply smiling sympathetically. He walked up to Kota and her crying child, bending down to her level. "Here," he said gently, barely audible over Zayde.

Kota gratefully handed him over to Shiro, who stood up and began bouncing him up and down, singing like she had tried.

" _Baby mine, don't you cry._

 _Baby mine, dry your eyes,_

 _Rest your head, next to mine,_

 _Baby of mine, baby of mine."_

He continued to gently sing the ages old lullaby from that one movie about the flying elephant baby she watched when she was younger, her baby's cries becoming quieter by the second.

Shiro gradually made his way to Zayden's cradle, making sure the baby was fully asleep before setting him into it, covering his chubby body with his fleece blanket.

He stood, stepping away from the cradle, turning to Kota who had stood up, wrapping the blanket she had over her chest over her shoulders. She smiled. "You are a lifesaver, Shiro."

Shiro smiled and shrugged. "No biggie. How long have you been trying to get him to sleep?"

She sighed, again. "Time is non-existent for me at this point."

They both shared a quiet laugh, Shiro stepping slightly closer to the young mother. He noticed her try to stifle a yawn. "You should go to bed and get a good night's rest."

Kota laughed humorlessly. "Good night's sleep? What's that?"

Shiro chuckled gently, standing in front of Kota, crossing his arms. He turned to her, and said, "You never really told me…how he came to be. I mean, not to be insensitive, but I never expected you of all people to become a mother in the time I was gone."

"Yeah, no, I totally get it. You're fine, I, uh…" Kota breathed in and out slowly, trying not to cry. "Well, long story short—"

"No, you gave me that already, I want to know…why? And why James Griffin of all kids?"

Kota turned her face toward the ground. "I always hated him. Just one day, he came up to me and apologized for being such a jerk, and since then he wouldn't leave me alone."

"I bet you enjoyed that." Shiro sat down in a chair he pulled in front of Kota, who sat in her rocking chair.

Kota laughed. "Yeah, I did. Anyway, he eventually asked me out to a party he was holding at his house, since it was almost summer break, so like a celebration. He wouldn't stop bugging me about it, so I said yes.

"You know I don't like drinking, it hurts my head, but he convinced me somehow to get drunk, so what happened, happened.

"After I told him I was pregnant, he tried to keep the relationship up, even though I knew he didn't want the baby or me. At least he was smart enough to realize that he should be there for me…he didn't need to be, but…" Kota breathed in deeply, blinking her tears back. Why was she so emotional about this?

Shiro spoke up. "When did you find out?"

Kota paused guiltily. She knew where this was going. "A week before you left for Kerberos."

Shiro put his head down. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You needed to have your mind focused on Kerberos and your mission, and if I had told you, it would be another reason for you to stay. You wanted to go on Kerberos, I wasn't going to stop you." Kota was just slightly irritated.

 _Slightly_.

Shiro sat there, just thinking. He finally nodded, understanding her reasons. "Go on," he said simply.

Kota swallowed. "After you disappeared during Kerberos, I was devastated. I didn't do anything else with James, in fact the exact opposite.

"I was failing, I couldn't concentrate on the simulations, I couldn't do the math right, I just…stopped.

"Then Iverson… He…he called me out, calling me a whore. Apparently, the rumor had spread that I had slept with James, so… yeah. I punched Iverson in the eye, and left.

"My social worker made sure I was taken care of in foster care for the remainder of my pregnancy even though I turned eighteen before I had Zayden. Then I ran off, and lived in my old home. So, a year later, here you come." Kota finished quietly.

Shiro nodded, thinking over her past few years in a nutshell. "It must have been hard for you."

Kota nodded. "It was, sometimes, um… but, I was able to get food stamps, and anything else I needed I stole. I just couldn't get a job, and people bug me too much anyway."

Kota stood up when she heard Zayden rustle in his crib, his mother quietly walking over to it, discarding the blanket she had around her shoulders. Shiro stood up as well and he walked over to her. He was finally able to see all the scars she had acquired. The one on her shoulder from the trials with the Blades was the most noticeable, but she had other scars too, probably most of them from their 'adventures' as Paladins, but a lot of them looked older, like from before he came back from Kerberos.

She stepped away once she was sure he was fine, looking fondly at the crib.

"Kota, I…" he placed a hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry. For everything that's happened to you. And I wish to God I could tell you that I will always be there for you, but this is war. And there are no guarantees. But while I am here, I am here for you."

Kota turned to look at Shiro, a smile on her face. She had never seen Shiro this genuine, this caring. Even after that _first_ fight with James, when he said he'd never give up on her, he was more insistent than genuine.

The way he looked at her…that was love. Not lust, not want, not hunger.

Pure, uncorrupted love.

It hit Kota finally. Now, she looked at Shiro in a completely new light. She had always seen the scars, the strength the height, but now she saw his heart, and he had just given it to her.

He loved her.

And she just fell in love with him.

Shiro leaned in closer, brushing her hair out of her face. He slowly continued to bend closer, Kota subconsciously licked her lips.

 _Should I?_

 _She's not protesting._

 _But…what if she thinks I'm trying to force her into something?_

 _She won't. And even if she does, it won't ruin anything._

 _Will it?_

They were inches away from each other and he slowed considerably, reconsidering his decision.

Kota closed the distance between them, leaning up slightly.

She hadn't felt this way for so long, but this…this was so much better.

Because it felt right.

They broke apart, but only for a moment. They looked into the other's eyes, seeing the pain, the hurt, the affection.

 _Everything_.

Their lips met once more, more passionately this time, Kota cupping Shiro's cheek.

It felt _so_ right.

 _No, it didn't._

The war. Her son. They had to come first, had to.

She couldn't be selfish, not now.

Kota breathed out, pulling away. "No."

Shiro blinked as she turned away. "No?"

"No, I, I can't…I can't do this. Not yet."

Shiro stayed quiet, embarrassed.

Kota spoke again. "It's…ugh, it's not you, it's me, I just… I have a lot going on, and the Galra, figuring out that I'm one of them, and Zayden, I just…not yet. If…"

"No, no, I get it. You're just stressed. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you."

"No, Shiro, I kissed you too. I mean," Kota paused, turning back around to face Shiro, running a hand through her hair. "Shiro, it's not you, it's not you at all. But… if we want to win, and if we want to survive, we cannot be selfish. We can't…we just can't.

"I want this, I want us. I really do, Shiro. But we can't. I can't. I've lost so much already, I don't want to hold on so tight that when you are ripped from me it hurts so much, I can barely stand," a single tear streamed down her cheek. Her next and final comment to him was barely audible.

"I'm sorry." Kota left the room, leaving Shiro in his thoughts.

* * *

 **A/N: This is a little sneak peek into my upcoming story, in the works, don't expect it anytime soon. Thanks for reading!**


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